Loveboming

What is it?

• Love bombing is the manipulation of the victim in a romantic partnership through extravagant displays of affection at the beginning of relationships.
• The intention of love bombing is to make them helpless and vulnerable to the manipulator.
• In other words, the victim is relentlessly “bombed” with love at the start of the relationship, making them believe that they have to match the intensely high commitment of the relationship, which becomes an impossible pursuit.
• This leaves the victim feeling deeply indebted to their supposed romantic partner, and thus vulnerable to whatever their partner might want of them.
• Getting hit by a love bomb feels glorious. The lavish attention and affection seem to answer our prayers. We’ve found Mr. or Ms. Right — our soul mate

What does it look like:

• “I love you” comes easily to them
• They always say the right stuff
• It’s so good, it doesn’t feel real
• They are incredibly fast
• They live off grand gestures
• The compliments are endless
• When you’re in a bad position, they’ll act like they’re your savior
• They want you to think that they’re the best person you’ve ever dated
• They keep asking about the crap things in your life
• They’re not direct, and they backpedal from what they initially said
• They are always giving you gifts
• The affection you’re getting will be superficial
• They treat other people like crap

What did I exprience?

• My ex told me she loved me very early on. She had made herself out as being hard to reach: independant done with men etc. Then she told me that she was no longer thinking this way, I had made her think again. She has apparently “painted me into her vision of the future”. Of course it was all rubbish but it made me think that I had won some sort of prize!
• Things moved incredibly fast, we spent a massive amount of time with each other witting the first few weeks, she moved in within a few months.
• I was overwhelmed with compliments and ego boosts. “I wasn’t like all the other guys,’ “I was better,” “I was the only guy to ever be like this to her.” It makes you feel like this knight in sharing armour, a prince.
• She mad herself out to be amazing, what I didn’t realise what she had obviously worked out what I liked and what I didn’t, or at least what I wanted at the tome and then she became that. Thing is I was so inexperienced in relationships I don’t think I really knew. I think I had an image of what I wanted and so thats what she became. Problem is as I have learned over the years thats not at all what I wanted or valued. So later on when she was trying too get me back under control by re-love-bombing me it didn’t work because she was putting on the image of something I didn’t actually like anymore.
• She bought me gifts all the time. She was big on hard gestures both by me and in return. Of course when someone buys you a gift its hard not to feel affection in the thought.
• I remember that she also started to redress me, change my clothing style etc. Then I got even more compliments etc. Of course the effect was two-fold. Not only was she boosting my ego but also seeing how far I would bend, how much I was willing to change and how much she could manipulate me.
• Treating other people like crap: this is interesting, during our early relationship she fell out with her flat mate and mine. Of course she very effectively played the victim and so I didn’t see it. Looking back now her life is littered with discarded people, all with seemingly good reasons and tales of blame. But of course looking back now these were people that weren’t willing to be manipulated or that were no longer useful supplies to her.

What to watch out for?

• Fast moving relationship, someone who wants to see you all the time and pushes to see you all the time. Someone who can’t bear to be without you early on.
• Being labelled as boyfriend/girlreind after 1-2 dates.
• Lots of things being asked of you very early on.
• Someone that wants to be rescued or makes you out to be their saviour.
• Someone who refuses blame: most easily detectable in how they frame previous relationships and friendships.
• People who have a long list of people they have “fallen out” with.
• Someone who loves everything you do.
• Inconsistency.